


Reality

by mithrel



Category: Moonlight (TV)
Genre: Blanket Permission, Episode Related, First Kiss, First Time, M/M, POV First Person, Podfic Welcome
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-10-27
Updated: 2011-10-26
Packaged: 2017-10-24 23:59:18
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,620
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/269361
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mithrel/pseuds/mithrel
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josef deals with the fact that he is now Mick's sire.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

I walk into Mick’s apartment, hoping I’m not too late. After that message from Guillermo, God only knows what he’s planning. Sure enough, I find him removing an impressive cache of weapons from the back of his bookshelves.

“What are you doing?”

He whirls on me, knife in hand. “Don’t do that!”

“What?” I ask, all innocence. “Use my crafty vampire abilities to sneak up on you?”

He puts the knife down and turns back to the shelves. “Why are you here?”

What kind of imbecilic question is that? “Guillermo called me, said you were about to do something extremely stupid, I said ‘Wait, that can’t be the Mick that I know.’”

He gestures with the stake in his hand. “You should come, you love a challenge.”

Challenge, yes. Suicide, no. I’m not about to go up against several vampires on my own. In the state he’s in, Mick won’t be much help. “No, see, I’m a lover, not a fighter. And besides, I’d just get dead, trying to protect you, the human liability.”

“I can take care of myself.”

Before he can blink, I’d vamped out, knocked the stakes from his hands, and thrown him against the wall. In another heartbeat I had grabbed his shirt and was shaking him.

“Is this how you’re gonna face him? This is how you want it to end?” I’m screaming at him, and I don’t even know why.

“Get off me!” He’s very close to being in a panic. Humans may not believe in vampires, but they’re still instinctively afraid of us, the unknown, the thing that goes bump in the night. Mick has more reason than most to know what vampires are capable of, me in particular.

“Get off me!” I let him go. Being close to him unnerves me at the best of times, doubly so now that he’s human again. Besides, I’ve made my point.

I say as much to him. “Well, I hope I made my point.”

“Yeah. You did.” He’s out of breath and he sounds…what, defeated? Despairing? I can’t tell. He turns back and there’s something not quite sane in his eyes.

“What?” I don’t mean to sound so harsh, but he’s starting to freak me out.

“You were right. I can’t save Beth as a human. But I can save her as a vampire.”

Oh, no. No, he’s not asking this of me.

“You have to turn me back.”

“Whoa. You hold on, this is not…”

He’s not accepting excuses. “You have to turn me back. Right now.”

I am so tempted. The bond between a vampire and their sire is the closest one possible. To have that between us… But I can’t do it. Not only would I be taking Mick’s humanity from him again, it would be impossible for me to hide my feelings from him. Sooner or later, he’d find out. When he did he’d be revolted, disgusted, throw me out of his life. The only way that wouldn’t happen is if the bond didn’t take, and it might not. After all, Mick already has a sire.

I try to talk him out of it, even though I know it’s pointless. “Mick, you’re human again. After all you went through to get the cure, you’re gonna give it up this easy?”

“You think this is easy for me?” Of course not, it’s probably the hardest decision he’s made in his life. He’s struggling with the words now. “This…is not easy, OK? I don’t have a choice.”

I choke up. “What you’re asking me to do…”

He grabs me and starts screaming. “Listen to me, alright! He has Beth. He has my Beth. So please. Please brother.”

Brother. In my whole life I never thought to hear that from him. I have to do it, even if it means he’ll send me away someday. “Mick. Forgive me.” Forgive me what I’m about to do, what I feel for you…

He bares his neck and I bite down. I can feel him getting weaker as his blood drains away, and I lower him gently onto the table. Then I pull off my jacket, roll up my sleeve and bite my own arm, ignoring the pain. Before the wound can heal I hold it over his face. He’s crying, most likely for his lost mortality. I hate to have to be the one to do this to him. My blood drips into his mouth, turning him back to a vampire.

“Come on, Mick. Rise and shine.” He sits up and puts his mouth to my arm. I wince as I feel his fangs. He lets my arm go and lies there for a moment, then sits up and snarls.

*~~~~*

 

It’s after the fight. The vamp doc and his cronies are dead, Beth is safe, and Mick’s taken her home. I’m sitting in my ruined office, staring out the window.

The sire bond took. Now I’m doomed. It’s possible to block the bond temporarily, but sooner or later he’ll find out. An extremely negative reaction can suppress the bond permanently, which is why Mick didn’t know Coraline survived the fire. And once he finds out how I feel, he’ll suppress the bond between us as well. But I’ll still have his presence in the back of my mind, tormenting me with what I can’t have. Forever.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josef deals with the fact that he is now Mick's sire.

It’s been six days since I turned Mick back into a vampire. I’ve been blocking as hard as I can, and evidently he hasn’t noticed anything. I haven’t even seen him since the fight. I can’t keep this up much longer though. If I went to sleep I’d relax, so I haven’t slept since I turned him, and even vampiric healing abilities can only take you so far. I need to sleep soon…

I jerk myself awake for what seems like the millionth time. I’m at work, but I haven’t gotten anything done in some time. The financial report on my laptop screen is nothing but a blur of dark blobs on a lighter background.

Just then, Mick bursts into the room, and he looks livid. Crap. I can’t deal with him, not now.

“Josef, what’s been going on with you? You haven’t answered my calls, you’re never here when I come by…” he stops as he gets a good look at me. “You look like hell.”

“Thanks, I try.” Feeble humor, but I’m too tired to even think anymore.

“I’m serious! What have you been doing to yourself, you look like you haven’t slept in weeks!”

“Six days.” I said that. Fuck.

He looks at me, a mixture of confusion and concern on his face. “Why not?”

I don’t answer. He continues. “And you’ve been blocking me.”

“What are you talking about?” Crap, he noticed. Now he’s going to ask questions and it’ll all come out. Despite the fact that it was inevitable, I’d hoped I’d have more time, time to prepare an argument or…something.

“You know what I’m talking about! The sire bond.”

“Did you ever consider the possibility that it just didn’t take? After all, you already have a sire…”

He’s shaking his head. “No. It took. It’s _there,_ I just can’t read anything from you.” Now he looks suspicious. “What are you hiding?”

“Maybe I just don’t want you in my head, did you ever think of that?”

“That’s why you haven’t been sleeping. Josef, you can’t permanently block a bond without a gut-deep reaction, you know that! You’re going to have to sleep sometime! I won’t have you killing yourself for no reason!”

No reason. If only he knew.

“Stop blocking me.”

“No.”

“Stop blocking me or I’ll do something about it.”

I sneer at him. “I’d like to see you try.”

Next thing I know he’s pushing at the barrier I put up, hammering blows on it one after another. I can’t keep it intact, not in the state I’m in, not under this pressure. So I try to reason with him.

“Mick, you don’t want to do this…”

“The hell I don’t! You’re exhausting yourself, and you’re going to end up dead.”

“Mick. Please. For the sake of our friendship…”

The tone in my voice makes him stop trying to break through the block temporarily, and I think for a moment he might leave me alone.

No such luck.

He starts up again, and as I feel the last of the barrier come down, I _throw_ everything at him. Rage that he pushed the issue, despair that now he’ll never want to see me again, jealousy and resentment that he has someone and I don’t, how I feel about him, everything, then I bury my head in my arms.

He reels back under the onslaught, and doesn’t say anything for a moment. Tears leak from my eyes despite everything I can do, and I don’t raise my head.

Finally he says something. “What the hell was that?”

“What do you _think_ it was? Why do you think I was blocking you? I didn’t want to turn you, because I knew this would happen, but I did it anyway. I told you to back off, but you just had to force the issue, didn’t you?” I’m snarling at him, and he flinches under my glare.

“I’m…sorry.”

That startles a laugh out of me, however bitter and cynical. “For what?”

“I didn’t mean to put you in this position.”

Well, this is going better than I thought it would. He’s not throwing me out of his life. Not yet anyway. I refuse to believe he won’t.

“Not your fault. You didn’t know.” I sigh. “I never meant you to know.”

“How long?”

“June seventh, 1963.”

He blinks at that. “You remember the _day?_ ”

I shrug. What can you say to something like that anyway?

“Thanks.”

 _Say what?_ “Excuse me?”

“You knew this would happen, that I’d find out, but you turned me anyway. So thank you.”

“Uh…you’re welcome, I guess.” This conversation is getting more and more bizarre.

He just stands there after that, and the silence gets awkward. The bond is still there, so he hasn’t blocked it off in revulsion. But I can’t read him, since he’s got a temporary block up.

“So now what?” He looks deceptively relaxed, but I’ve known him for over fifty years and I can see the lines of tension in his expression.

“Like I know? That stupid vamp doctor, I wish you’d let me kill him, he was the one who got me into this mess.”

“Sorry, next time I’ll give you first dibs.”

I snort. “So, correct me if I’m wrong, but I’m assuming you aren’t going to have such a negative response to this that it suppresses the bond?” I wait for his answer, still not believing that anything can happen between us.

“I guess not. It’s not like I’d have control over it if I did. I just…I just need some time to deal with this!”

I nod. Totally understandable. And now that the adrenaline’s worn off, I’m about to collapse.

Mick notices. “Take a cab home, get some sleep. I don’t want to see you out for at least three days.”

 _Yes, mother._ I don’t say anything, just nod. Mick’s picked up the phone and ordered a cab. At any other time I’d be furious, but I’m just too tired.

I don’t remember the cab ride home, or the elevator ride up to my still-demolished apartment. I’m thankful I have a key-card, since I could never manage to turn a key at this point. I kick off my shoes, stumble over to my freezer, and fall into it without bothering to get undressed.


	3. Chapter 3

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josef deals with the fact that he is now Mick's sire.

I wake up gradually. I can tell that a good amount of time has passed, but not how much. I pull out my cell phone. Friday, May second. One PM. I slept for _two days?_ No wonder I’m groggy. But I guess I needed it.

I get up to brew some coffee. I keep some on hand in case I need it. I may not be able to taste it, but the caffeine still works. While it’s brewing, I take stock of the situation.

Fact one: Mick knows. He forced it out of me.

Fact two: He didn’t reject me out of hand.

Fact three: If I start blocking again, he’ll be over here like a shot.

Fact four: I’m going to have to deal with him sooner or later.

I groan. I’ve been in bad situations before, but I’ve always been able to deal with them. A quick relocation, a hefty payoff, a meeting with something sharp at the end of a dark alley…None of those solutions will work this time. Mick’s going to want to _talk._ He’s going to want an _explanation._ How the hell am I supposed to explain this? I don’t even know how it happened.

I get my coffee and drink it down. Looking at my cell phone again I notice I have a voicemail. From Mick. I sigh, and listen to it.

It’s short. Very short. “Josef. Call me when you wake up.”

I sigh. Time to face the music.

*~~~~~*

 

I called Mick a half hour ago. He didn’t say much on the phone. He’s coming over when he gets off work. That gives me a couple hours’ reprieve.

My office at least is habitable now. The walls are back up, the drywall dust is gone and there’s no sign that a bomb went off here a month ago. I haven’t redecorated yet; I think I’m just going to put everything back the way it was.

I set things up so I have a psychological advantage. If there’s one thing I’ve figured out in all these centuries, it’s how to intimidate people. I don’t want to intimidate Mick, but I want to convince him (and myself) that I’m the one in control of the situation. So I dress formally, and meet him in my office, with the desk between him and me.

He wasn’t expecting that, and I can tell he’s uncomfortable. Good. He’s put me through more than enough lately that I’m glad to see him squirm.

I don’t say anything, just stare at him dispassionately. Finally he clears his throat awkwardly. I smirk to myself. “Josef. We need to talk.”

“Oh, really? About what?” I’m not giving him anything.

He seems taken aback, but recovers. “About what happened two days ago.”

“Which part?” Pulling teeth would be easier.

But he surprises me. “Dammit Josef, I know what you’re trying to do! You can’t intimidate me into letting this go, so you might as well not bother!”

I heave a sigh. “Fine. What do you want to know?”

“Everything.”

“Everything? I may be older than you, but I never said I was omniscient.”

“Dammit, this is serious!” He’s getting agitated. “I want to know when this happened, and how, and why you didn’t tell me!”

I roll my eyes. Is that all? “To answer the last part first, because I knew how you’d react.” I pause. “Actually, you’re taking this remarkably well, considering.” I pause again, gathering my thoughts. “I never meant to tell you, and I don’t think you ever suspected…” I look at him, and he shakes his head. “But then you wanted me to turn you.” I stop and close my eyes. “I knew if I turned you, you’d find out. That’s part of the reason I was so reluctant. But it was the only way you could save Beth, so I had to do it.” If he notices the bitterness in that last sentence he doesn’t show it.

“You said ‘part of the reason.’ What’s the rest?”

Oh, dear God. Do I have to spell it out for him? I give him a look, and he flushes. I ignore it and continue. “I hoped the bond wouldn’t take, and it might not have. When it did, I knew I had to block you as long as I could.”

I’ve already told him some of this, but he doesn’t interrupt me. “I figured you had to find out eventually, but I’d put it off as long as I could. When you did find out, I figured you’d suppress the bond, but that didn’t happen.” I look at him curiously. “Why didn’t it?”

He flushes again. “I told you, I don’t have control over that!”

“Exactly. So you’re not disgusted enough to suppress the bond, you’re talking to me now, and you don’t even seem bothered by it. Why is that?”

“I’m…not sure. As for being ‘bothered’ by it, well, I had a chance to think things over while you were sleeping…” He stops. “I’ve never…I mean it never even crossed my mind.”

I smirk. “You’re not old enough. When you get to my age you get bored, start to experiment more.”

He’s beet-red now. This has turned out to be more fun than I thought it would be. “So, you’ve never thought about it. Are you thinking about it now?”

It’s his turn to slam a block up. Interesting. He doesn’t answer me, but he doesn’t have to. I don’t need the bond open to know his emotions. Fear, confusion, temptation… “I…”

“Look, I’m not going to force you into anything. I won’t even bring it up again, since it makes you so uncomfortable. Besides, I know you’re in love with Beth, and I don’t want to get in the way.” My smile at that is twisted to the point of a grimace. “But unless you turn her…”

“I can’t do that!”

I shrug. “It’s up to you. And her of course. But unless you turn her, she won’t always be around. And the offer’s open.”

“I need to…I need to think about things.”

I shrug again. “Fine with me.”

He gets up and leaves. But the seed was planted, he’s intrigued, and Beth won’t always be here. This turned out better than I could have hoped.

I can wait.


	4. Chapter 4

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Josef deals with the fact that he is now Mick's sire.

It’s been decades since I turned Mick back into a vampire, and a lot has happened since then. The most important thing, for Mick, and for me, was his constant refusal to turn Beth. Even though she asked him over and over, right up until the end, even though it meant she’d die, he didn’t do it.

He couldn’t go to her funeral. He’d spent enough time in LA that people were getting suspicious. On the day of the funeral he cried all day, and I ended up staying with him. The next day we moved on, to Chicago this time. I had arranged for my assets to be transferred, and had had new identities ready for both of us for a while.

It took Mick ten years to be able to even function again, and another five before he seemed to get any joy out of life. I stuck by him, like I always have, and never showed my impatience with his grieving.

When it finally seemed like he was ready to move on I was relieved. I’m not a naturally supportive person, and having to be patient, and always provide a shoulder to cry on was starting to grate on my nerves.

So. I feel like it’s been long enough, and I’m going to see if Mick’s ready. It’s difficult coming up with excuses to invite someone over when you’re a vampire. Dinner is impossible, and I’m not going to do anything ridiculous like take him to a movie.

I finally realize that he’ll have no clue what I’m… _planning_ is too strong a word. More like _hoping for._ He’s probably completely forgotten that conversation we had so many years ago. He’s gotten used to my feelings, although it was extremely awkward at first, and he even seemed grateful for them when I stuck around after Beth died. But he’s never given any indication that he returned them. I mean to find out for certain tonight.

So I invite him over. I don’t give a reason, but I do that often enough that it’s not unusual. He comes over around seven, after he gets off work. He’s set up as a PI again, and is doing fairly well, considering he’s only been in business here for about four years.

We chat about commonplaces for a while. Mick tells me about some details of his current case that are frustrating him, and I do my best to help. He’s bored by financial things, but he asks anyway, and I give him the shortest, most jargon-free version of what’s going on that I can.

Conversation dies down after a while, and we just sit. I decide that now’s as good a time as any. I take a deep breath, and turn to him.

“Hey, Mick.”

He looks over at me, looking more at peace than I’d seen him in a long time. “Yeah?”

Now, how to approach this? “Do you remember when I turned you back into a vampire?”

A shadow of pain crosses his face briefly, and I think I know why. He did it to save Beth, and being reminded of her, even after all these years, must hurt like hell. “It’s not exactly something I can forget.”

“Hm. That’s true. Do you remember what happened,” I pause for a moment. “What happened afterward?”

“What, you mean how I kept you from killing yourself out of sheer idiocy?” His tone is light, but I wince anyway.

“That, and the…conversation we had.”

He coughs. “I remember.”

“I told you I wasn’t going to force you into anything, but you seemed…interested.” At least I thought he had. I may have misread him, but I doubt it.

He coughs again. “I was.”

“Are you still interested?”

He hesitates. “Ye-es, but…” he trails off.

“But…?” I prompt him, a little impatiently.

“Well, there’s Beth.”

I sigh. “Mick,” I say, as gently as I can, “She’s been dead for fifteen years. Don’t you think it’s time to move on?”

He won’t meet my eyes. “Well, maybe, but it still seems…” he stops again.

“Seems…?”

“Disloyal.”

I avoid rolling my eyes with a great effort, and send out a plea for patience. “Mick, you’re going to be around forever, or nearly. You can’t hang on to one relationship forever, however much it meant to you.” I’d decided to remove Sarah from life support after a hundred years. It was the hardest thing I ever did, but I realized that hanging on to the past was stupid, and nothing would ever bring her back. Mick supported me through that, so I knew he’d know I was speaking from personal experience. “Besides, do you think Beth would want you to be alone for the rest of your life?”

He drums his fingers on the table. “No. She wouldn’t.”

“Then what’s the problem?”

He doesn’t answer. He doesn’t have to. I can feel his interest, but it’s outweighed by something approaching terror. What he’s so afraid of I have no clue. Whether it’s putting himself in a relationship again, the fact that that relationship would be with a male or the fact that it’s someone as ruthless and calculating as I am is anyone’s guess.

“You don’t have to be afraid of me,” I said, letting the hurt I felt at that show through.

“I’m not afraid of you!”

“You’re lying. You’re afraid of _something,_ anyway, even if it’s not me.”

He takes a deep breath, obviously steeling himself. “I’m afraid…I’m afraid I’ll like it too much.”

I almost burst out laughing, but catch myself in time. It obviously cost him to admit that, and I’m not going to alienate him by laughing at him. “Well, there’s only one way to find out, isn’t there?”

He swallows hard. “Uh…”

“Mick, if you really don’t want to do this, I’ll back off.”

“No! I mean, I don’t…I mean…” he trails off.

“You’re still not sure.” I’m about to drop the subject. I’m not going to do anything if he’s not fully consenting. I may have done any amount of unconscionable things in my time, but rape wasn’t one of them.

“No, I…I want to.”

I look at him, trying to see if he’s lying. The emotions coming at me through the sire bond support what he’s saying. The terror is gone. There’s apprehension, yes, but I expected that.

Still, I have to ask him. “You’re absolutely sure?”

He nods.

He’s sitting on the couch, and I’m in a recliner nearby. I get up and sit down next to him. He clearly has no clue what to expect. I cup the back of his neck, lean in and kiss him.

He stiffens in surprise, but doesn’t pull back. I go against every instinct I have that is screaming at me to taketaketake, and am rewarded when he kisses me back. He knows how to kiss, at least, he’s damn good at it in fact, and after a moment I push my tongue between his lips.

After that I lose track of things. I’m nowhere near as aggressive as I could be, but there’s no doubt who’s in control of the kiss. I only pull back when I need to breathe.

His eyes are half-shut, and his fangs are out. The lust radiating from him is unbelievable. I grab his hand and pull him into the bedroom.

Unlike Mick, I have a bed. I may not sleep in it, but I use it often enough. I push him down onto it. He growls at me, and I’m on top of him before he can register it. I kiss him again, harsh this time, and possessive, and he meets me halfway.

I rip his shirt open, half expecting a protest, and take one of his nipples in my mouth. He writhes under me, and I feel his hands slipping under my shirt to claw at my back.

Suddenly he rolls over, and I’m looking up at him. I snarl at the submissiveness of my position, but he pulls my shirt off and starts sucking at my neck hard enough to bruise. I reach for his belt and open it, then push his pants down and off as he’s doing the same to me.

In another moment there’s nothing between us. I arch up into him and he throws his head back and moans. We move together for several moments, and it’s better than I thought it would ever be, but it’s still not enough. He’s growling, and so am I, and we’re clawing at each other, scratches healing as soon as they’re made. I line up our erections and start stroking them together, as he buries his face in my neck and pants. It doesn’t take long before I’m about to come, and just before I do, I sink my fangs into his neck. Mick makes the most amazing sound as he comes, part growl, part moan and part scream

He sags on top of me, and lies there boneless for a moment, before I poke him.

“Hey. Get off. You’re heavy.”

He rolls over and stares at the ceiling, his mouth slightly open. He’s no longer vamped, but the expression on his face most resembles a stunned ox.

He looks scarcely capable of remembering his own name at the moment, much less forming a coherent sentence, but I can’t resist asking, “Well?”

His eyes focus a bit more, and he looks at me. “Well, what?” he manages.

“Well, did it match your expectations?”

He opens and closes his mouth once or twice, looking like a stranded fish, but nothing comes out.

I laugh, and lean over to kiss him again, gently this time. “Mine, too.”


End file.
